stare and stare at these paintings, make a choice to add paint, increase opacity, move a line, stare again and question and re-form my understanding of the work and my own approach to collaboration – what is changing? why and how the change? How can I follow – willingly submit to change myself, when I cannot see the future?
Always another voice that insists on clear answers, ‘What am I trying for here? Does this work resonate outside of my little world? What is my statement? If challenged, could I defend the value of this piece? I don’t know. I’m only sometimes clear with my thinking.
Discernment = Self respect. There is no other way to choose well than from a position of strength and humility, which is perhaps the greatest form of strength. Always the painting is stronger, more alive than I. Always it wants something I can barely imagine to happen. My response is to simplify. Simplify again.
I look up after pause moments (knitting a scarf with cables so I need to count: perl three, knit three, perl three, four rows, then knit one, perl three, knit three. It’s four feet long now…), and I notice that there is a pattern also in the drawings on each canvas. The bells are progressively getting louder, their mouths wider…
We shall see where change takes us. I go willingly.