Lift out

These days begin in darkness and wet.

Windsheild

We live in multiple layers of clothing against the cold damp of constant seeping rain, walk under umbrellas, and peek out from under shelter until some blue sky appears.

JonesFalls2

Then we breathe the blue and the coloured leaves, and roll in the damp ones underfoot.  We go to the flashing streams, the roaring falls, the pounding waves and we exult

..until the rain and the cloud and the pounding wind bring us under and in again.

Wave2Oct_21

These times.  Pressured, heavy, challenged, shifting.  Some of us don’t have dancing feet.  Some have not learned to swim.

CurbPuddle

Two days ago in Ottawa a man died on Parliament hill.  He suffered from serious mental illness  – serious enough that he found himself a gun and  shot another man who worked as a soldier there.  I grieve for both men, whom we, in our culture, have failed to see clearly.

Poem for Michael Zehaf-BibeauMichael Zehaf-Bibeau, for Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, a reservist, and for every single one of us who struggles with addiction and mental illness, in sorrow for this:

Broken Voice
September 24: studio

Thought can re-write history, she says
Meditative thought influences the order of things
Orders them more neatly so there’s less damage done.
and there’s the
small voice the difficulty
swallowing
the closed throat mid-
sentence, the little
alarms shot with adrenaline
the subtle gagging that
no one notices but
There’s no problem. Who

…said there was a
problem?  Mental Illness is only
addiction is only
another form of terrorism-
We just need more Security and

I think I caught something in
the subway – just a virus it
comes and goes it’s
not
permanent.

…something about bare feet, walking
about not leaving prints behind,
and if you do your feet print
history

I’m looking at them now,
the prints
but I can’t read
I’m not sure what happened.  Or how…?

I just want to drink an ocean of alcohol
passive-watch movies that siphon rage
go to classical concerts full of fury, listen to poets
who have found something
to let somebody else do the darkness
the refined, articulate hurt that they’ve managed to
filter through all of their exhausted bewilderment how
can I

Impotent. Invisible. I just want to sleep. only sleep.
it’s taking every ounce of my strength
to resist the rampage,
The terrible roar in me.

Sun

This morning’s coffee is warm and it tastes like sunlight.  Arctic air outside blows chimney exhaust north over the rooftops, the morning sun breathes it golden.  March after a months of white skies filled with snowflakes is air that can freeze your nostrils together lit by sun that wakes your roots.

I’m in love with the contrast of this.  I feel like I could start to extend my hands and feet by one knuckle at this point.  Maybe even work on a pair of wings.

Actually, um…

Pic by Vita Cooper, friend and artist.  12 street from the river, where I spend most of my time....
Pic by Vita Cooper, friend and artist. 12 street from the river, where I spend most of my time….

The happy grouch

Annoyed – that on April 10th at 6:45 am the wonderful deep drenching spring rain turned to heavy wet snow before my eyes.  I don’t have a picture for this post because I was too annoyed to take one – you’ll just have to imagine the soggy, cold, icy slop of it and feel my blues.

Happy – to be annoyed because this is all as it should be.  We live here, where the weather is inconvenient, unpredictable, often violently extreme, but never never dull.

Here’s Chris Hadfield’s post of the Great Lakes at dawn, taken Easter morning.  Note the streamer covering the base of the Bruce Peninsula, where I live – that’s snow.

Nevertheless & whatever the weather, I love this beautiful blue planet.

Thanks, Commander Hadfield, for providing the big picture.

https://twitter.com/Cmdr_Hadfield/status/318340723147677696/photo/1