i used to identify with the glamour I can pull up out of my performance joy, as though it was the best part of me. It certainly got the most attention.
Now I think of it more like one of many essential ‘functions’. A runner learns how to run, or a digger to dig- I’m a musician. so performance is a muscle I learned to identify and then make good use of. I’m only now beginning to to understand that it’s not the point.
Gandalf uses glamour to great effect (greater in the books) when he absolutely needs to make certain that what he’s saying is heard and understood. He gets bigger, more dominant, more resonant. A performance. But not the point.
There are deeper things in me that are far more essential, valuable, and private. They include My Ugly which I spar with in deadly contests more often than I care to acknowledge.
I have grown a deep respect for My Ugly over the years. She has taught me more than anyone else, and is wiser than I will ever be.
I feel like the ocean tonight. As though the surface of me has nothing to do with who I am- it’s just a reflection of everything else.